Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Being Underestimated

One of the nicest compliments I ever received was an unintended one from a client quite a few years ago. I was in her office whe we were interrupted by a phone call. After speaking for a few minutes she told her caller, "I have to go, my computer guy is here." In response to something her caller said she went on, "Oh, yeah, I've got a computer guy. He's awesome. He keeps telling me how much he doesn't know, but he makes everything work."

That's a complete reversal, of course, of the inflated ego which kept creating expectations that I could not live up to. I love being underestimated.

"He keeps telling me how much he doesn't know, but he makes everything work."   I still treasure that.

Monday, October 12, 2009

A Matter of Focus

Another advice column at Salon, and this one I disagree with altogether. The question is from a guy who abused his former wife, has gotten treatment and believes he is past the problem but wonders if he should tell his present girlfriend. He is afraid she will dump him if he does. The advice is that he should, but is accompanied with a great deal of narrative on how to soften it.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. This guy's question answers itself. The guy is worried about himself, not his girlfriend. He's not concerned with basic honesty, or on the feelings of his girlfriend, he is focused on his own self interest. He should have told her long ago, and he should not wait for her to dump him, he should get out of the relationship immediately. He is not ready for a relationship, and he is by no means recovered from his abusive personality.

Self focus is at the root of many ills, and losing the focus on self is the root of recovery. No real recovery can occur when the center of my universe is me. The greatest freedom of all is when,

"We move outward from self, toward God and toward others."